I talked recently on my Instagram story about the way we are constantly bombarded with the best of the lives of the people around us. While we’re on our way to work we might be listening to a podcaster talk about their recent vacation. While we’re scrolling Instagram at lunch we will probably pass ‘I’m moving!’ posts, baby announcements, college acceptance letters… And we all do it. We all post our proud moments, as we should. We are allowed to bask in our own accomplishments and celebrate every victory.
But for me, if I’m having a particularly average day, I often see these things and wonder ‘should I be doing more?’ or ‘when are these things going to happen for me?’ Silly, I know. But the response I got from my stories on Instagram makes me sure that I’m not the only one out there who feels this way. We sometimes convince ourselves that an average day, or week, or even year – equates to an average life. This is far from the truth.
I was talking to my therapist about this creeping feeling of ‘should be’. She explained to me an extremely factual way to combat my feelings that I can’t help but kick myself for not coming across on my own.
She said, not every moment of our lives is going to be the best thing we’ve ever done. Sometimes life is just, blah.
I thought about this for weeks after my session. I have been subconsciously convincing myself that if my life is not something out of a Netflix Original I should be asking for more. But the truth is, we need to lulls to appreciate the excitement. We need down time to get to know ourselves and to grow. If we never stopped traveling or getting new jobs or reaching milestones – we would never have time to sit with our accomplishments and enjoy them.
Those are the in betweens. When time slows down and things have fallen into place. You’re blossoming into the person you need to become to tackle your next big hurdle. You’re living. Falling in love with these in betweens in todays society isn’t easy. We are all ready for the next step and the next big opportunity. We want to be successful and success never sleeps. Thus, hustle culture is born. In my opinion, the only thing harder than working until you pass out is sitting with your thoughts and doing nothing. Reaching into the corners of your mind and dusting off the parts that you haven’t paid attention to in awhile. The parts that you pushed away for a reason.
The past year has been a major in between in my life. Life is good, but I’m not the best at dealing with the calm – I very much prefer the storm. I have been challenging myself to stop doing everything and start learning about myself again. I started to fuel my body with the right foods, to learn what I like and what I don’t. I started to learn the ways in which I enjoy moving my body, the things I want in the future, and the way I want to be seen by the world. I’ve definitely been upset because I have felt stuck, but I decided I wanted to see it in another light.
I decided that maybe I would see all of this in between time as a blessing. I’m not rushed. I can learn about myself inside and out, and become invincible. I can prepare for the next steps of my life with the most careful consideration. I can be the person I never had time to become in the past.
And then I realized, maybe this isn’t an in between at all.
Maybe this is what I’ve been waiting for all along.